he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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