The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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