i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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