Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
