I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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