i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
