Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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