There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How external is "for external use only"?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
