She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
