Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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