It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He felt like a one man threesome
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
