11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
