i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
