You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
