I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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