so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
