If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
