so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
