i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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