I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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