I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
