I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
