Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
