i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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