Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
