I wanna passion pit in your ass
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
