the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
