How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
