My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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