please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
