Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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