he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
