White coat. Heels.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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