I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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