Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
