mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
