oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
