that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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