Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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