remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Vodka?
Forever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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