i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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