In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
