Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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