im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I touched a dick in church today
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
