Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Terrible idea I love it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
