I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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