Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
