My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
