i need an iv and a liver transplant
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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