not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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