I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
