Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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