just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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