Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
