so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
