i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
