never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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