i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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