My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
