went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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