i think my mom watched the whole time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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