Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
