Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
