I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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