I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
