Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
