I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
