so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
