i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My cat gives me a boner
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize