Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
