i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
