His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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