Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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