this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
