how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize