i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
