Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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