I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hippo gnu deer
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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