Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
